The (Emotional) Cost of Formula, Part 2

Some of you may remember that I was unsuccessful at breastfeeding due to my previous breast reduction surgery (at least that's what we're assuming led to the problem). In any case, over the course of Chloe's life, I have found myself letting go of the guilt and feelings of failure associated with understanding that a choice I made as a junior in high school would affect my life as a mother.

But, as Ed and I are thinking about adding another baby to our family, I've started thinking about it again. And I find myself overwhelmed by the questions in my own head: "Do I just assume that it won't work and start with formula from the beginning?" "If I do, does that make me not as good as a mother to Baby#2 since at least Chloe got SOME breastmilk and colostrum?" "Should I man up and just try, but keep in the back of my mind that it won't work?" "If I do that, will I go through all the feelings of failure all over again?" "If I do try, will I get frustrated with Baby#2 because it will be even harder this time around to manage all the pumping time plus caring for TWO kids?" "What about my breast pump, sitting in a box in Chloe's closet? Am I letting down the friend that bought it?"

Then, today, on a message board I frequent, a woman who had her baby a week ago was asking for some support about the fact that her milk has not come in and was looking for advice. A bunch of people wrote supportive posts about things to try or what their experience was, but also made sure to tell her not to beat herself up if it didn't work out.

One person wrote this:

I assume because you are asking bfers for advice I am going to assume that you
are looking for advice on making bfing work, and not simply to be told 'you
tried your hardest, it is okay to quit". I hope you will come back and clarify
so if you do want to make your nursing relationship work, we can help.

And I tell you, it just about brought me to my knees. She wasn't writing to me or about me, but in a way she was.

One of things I wish I could eliminate from motherhood: the judgment from other mothers. I've been guilty of it, too, so if I'm casting stones, I'm throwing them at myself, too. But sheesh. This is all hard enough by itself. I don't need people on the internet adding to it! LOL

EDITED TO ADD:
On the message board, some other posters thought some of us were taking the remarks wrong and as I was responding, I realized what most irked me about the post. Her remarks make it seem like the original poster had a choice ahead of her. I understand that successful breastfeeders often feel that way. But, what sometimes people miss is that our choice doesn't come down to "Do I want to breastfeed or bottle-feed?" but rather "Do I want my baby to eat or not?"