Amber: On School Lessons

Mommy: Amber, what did you do at school today?

Amber: I just did my work and stuff.

Mommy: What did you do?

Amber: Worked on words.

Mommy: Any good words, like caterpillar?

Amber (looking from side to side nervously and whispering): Mommy, let's not talk about the words because they are inappropriate.

Mommy: What words could you have been writing that were inappropriate?

Amber (seriously): Poopie, butt...  Peepee.

Mommy (hysterically laughing and trying to breathe): Miss Kerri did NOT have you write poopie and butt and peepee.

Amber (vigorously nodding).

No Fair!

 

Kyra: "It's not fair!  I'm the baby!  I shouldn't have to be in the corner!  I didn't like that dinner and that's why I threw it on the floor!"

Just a Word to the Wise...

Chloe: If you start cutting off your hair while in the art area, Daddy will absolutely make you pay for your professional haircut out of your piggybank money... but if, instead, you explain to Mommy that you just want to try a new look, she will pay for it.

 

I learned this one the hard way.

 



Frankie's Party... and a Little Sibling Rivalry

 

Amber: We had so much fun at Frankie's birthday party on Saturday.  Swings, bounce house, toys, CAKE.  It was awesome.

 

 

Chloe: Yeah, it was terrific!  Frankie's a cutie.

 

 

Amber: A little young for you, don't you think?

 

 

Chloe: I meant for you.

 

Amber: I'm still trying to decide between Noel and Ethan.  I have my hands full.

 

Chloe: Right. 

 

 

Kyra: What about me?

 

Amber: Yeah, I'm sure the way you slept thru his entire party really made you seem attractive.

 

Chloe: I especially liked how the grandmoms all tried to abduct you and the dads all warned the moms not to get any ideas while they held you.

Kyra: I'm pretty charming.

 

Amber: I won't consider you a threat until you get that projectile vomiting thing completely under control.

 

 

Chloe: Oh, calm down.  You're both pretty.

 

Amber (glares at Kyra)

 

Kyra (thinks about puking on Amber)

 

Chloe: ANYWAY.  Back to the party.  We had a lot of fun with the toys Miss Monica provided. We were playing so nicely together with the sidewalk chalk that Mommy was going to come over to take a picture, but by the time she got there, we were fighting over a toy.

Amber: Yup.  Mommy took a picture of the fight (above) instead of breaking it up.  She said that's what moms of multiples do and then she went back to her wine.

Chloe: What spectacular parenting.

 

Head Wear

Amber: When I'm finished eating, I like to put my bowl on my head.

Chloe: I know Mommy really likes it when you do that.

Amber: Does she?

Chloe (plotting to be favorite daughter): DEFinitely.  But, next time, do it while the bowl is still full.

Amber (nodding): Noted.

Happy Freakin' Easter

Amber: I HATE THIS! MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!!!

Chloe: I am so mad at you, Mommy!

Amber: COME GET ME!!!!! MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!

Chloe: I don't know why I'm mad, but I am MAD! MAD AT YOU! WORST MOTHER EVER!

Amber: THIS BUNNY IS NOT NATURAL!!!!!!!!!!

Bad Behavior Does Not Motivate ANYONE to Fill Your Easter Baskets

Chloe: Ok, Amber, here's the plan: I'll keep terrorizing Mommy and you start pulling everything out of her purse. Maybe chew on some stuff.

Amber: On it.

Chloe: Great. I'll keep screaming and trying to run away.

Amber: I'll handle bursting into tears in regular intervals and shrieking like a banshee.

Chloe: Cool. If we keep it up, we'll have that woman drunk by bedtime.

Note from Mommy: By the end of our time in the mall on Saturday, strangers were walking up to ask me if I was ok. I am personally amazed that our civilization continues. How does anyone live past the age of three?

Chloe Post: Badness

Today after school, Mommy said that we were going to go shopping for new clothes for me. We got in the car and I cried. We got gas and I cried. Mommy then drove the car into a box and large ribbons hit our car over and over and over again. I don't know WHAT the hell that was about. I stopped crying because I was intrigued... Mommy said "that wasn't worth my eight dollars" and then we drove on. And I cried. I was on my best behavior at Babies R Us because Mommy filled a big bag with pretty things for me and got me the next size of diapers like I was hoping she would. There were lots of pregnant ladies there. They were glowing and excited-looking. My Mommy looked tired and her hair was hanging in her face because she keeps forgetting to buy some pomade. She spent $93 at the BRU, but can't manage to spend $4 on herself for some pomade. But, anyway. Mommy decided that she was tired and instead of going home and "dealing with dinner," we would go to Panera. Thankfully, we ran into Auntie Lu and Adam and they helped Mommy as my behavior rapidly deteriorated. I was eating my grilled cheese until I realized there was yogurt for later. I wanted yogurt NOW. I was drinking my milk until I realized it was more fun to play with the straw. I wanted the straw NOW. Other people somehow didn't see how annoying I was and they continued to pay me compliments. I smiled at them. And laughed at Mommy and her silly little struggles. Then, she cleaned up because if I keep leaving a mess at Panera Bread, they will put a sign up with my picture and a red slash sign through it. Finally, Mommy said she had enough so we left. I refused to fall asleep on the way home. When we got home, I looked for Daddy but he was still at work, even though he had told Mommy an hour before that he was on his way home. At this point, Mommy had HAD IT. Which is different than having enough. Mommy still has to go to Acme because we are out of milk. And pomade. And Daddy is STILL not home even though we've been home for an hour. Mommy HAS to go out even though she is freaking exhausted because Daddy doesn't have a driver's license.

I wonder: after Mommy has had enough and then has had IT, what comes next???