Monday, October 5, 2009

Mommy Can't Talk

Literally. My vocal cords have decided to take a siesta. It's all email for me today. I hope no one thinks "oh, I'll just pick up the phone - it will be easier to just call her anyway" because no, it won't be.

I never get stomach viruses.

It's not that I am immune to illness, but if Ed gets the flu, I will get a sore throat. If he gets an upset stomach, I will get a sore throat. If he sprains his ankle... well you get the idea. It has always been this way. And every time I get a sore throat, I know there is the distinct possibility that I'm on my way to laryngitis. It doesn't happen every time or even every other, but it's always lingering... my body's way of making a threat "if you don't take me seriously and REST, there will be consequences." Perhaps it's God's way of keeping me humble since I do love to talk. I don't know.

Sometimes books are longing to be read.

On Friday, I took the day off because I was feeling so crappy. I took Chloe to daycare, did a couple of quick errands (feeling like crap doesn't make the things Chloe needs go away), bought some meds and returned home to get in bed with a book, my Pooh blanket and my cough syrup. And the day SPED BY. I was so depressed to realize that before I knew it, it was time to climb out of bed, get back in the car and go pick up the Muppet. It's not that I didn't want to see her, but do you know how long it has been since I rested all day and read a book? About 8 months. Know how long it will be before I get to do it again? 18 years or my next sore throat.

I think that's one of the things that is so weird about parenting and the subtle, quiet, nameless thing that sometimes makes it so hard. I walk through malls and look longingly at book stores. I think my favorite author (Stephen King) recently released a new book. I think. I can't say more than that because it was a passing whisper that I heard on my way to buy diapers. I can remember a time when I would count down the days to a new SK release and then schedule a weekend full of nothing so I could read, read, read. How delicious to be utterly left alone to READ.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining and I honestly don't mean to do that. But in all the things I worried about or thought about when I was pregnant, this wasn't one of them. I worried about dogs in parks, not having money for college, losing my job, tubes for ears, playground bullies. I remember saying to a friend of mine that after Chloe was born, I was committed to still being the person I am - I want her to know who I am as a person and not just who I am as a Mom. So, as a result, I drag this kid everywhere. True, I did back out on plans on Saturday to take a 2 hour nap (so needed), but did I rest yesterday and save my voice? Nope, we went to the zoo for the NKF walk (lots of fun, but exhausting). Being a working mom gives me a certain amount of balance in my work life - I have to leave at 5p and that's that. But, where do you find the balance between being a mom and being just a plain old person?

I haven't figured it out... maybe because there is no answer. This is what it is. My brother recently read this blog and said "I love my niece, but I wonder where my sister has gone." Maybe she's on siesta along with the vocal cords.

I don't feel missing, but putting down the book to pick up the car keys absolutely sucked.


Jennifer said...

hey--when Daddy gets his license, then you can have one more hour in bed to finish that chapter! Think of it that way!

Jennifer said...

Keep in mind, too, Heather, that this blog is about your family life and right now, that's very centered on Chloe. If this were a work blog, you might not mention her at all and people wouldn't even know you WERE a mommy (except I'd still come to you for help in tying bows!) Plus, you're a mommy for good, now. Forever, I mean. So you can't judge your 'you-ness' during just the days of newborn-ness and infancy. You have to look at your you-ness over the aggregate of the rest of your life. You have nothing to prove to anyone.
Now, if you're still acting like you have an infant when Chloe is 5, then it's gonna be creepy, it's true. :) haha.
Take care!
and ps: the book is out in November. Here's the blurb:

Celebrated storyteller Stephen King returns to his roots in this tour de force featuring more than 100 characters—some heroic, some diabolical—and a supernatural element as baffling and chilling as any he’s ever conjured.

On an entirely normal, beautiful fall day in Chester’s Mill, Maine, the town is inexplicably and suddenly sealed off from the rest of the world by an invisible force field. Planes crash into it and fall from the sky in flaming wreckage, a gardener’s hand is severed as “the dome” comes down on it, people running errands in the neighboring town are divided from their families, and cars explode on impact. No one can fathom what this barrier is, where it came from, and when—or if—it will go away.

Dale Barbara, Iraq vet and now a short-order cook, finds himself teamed with a few intrepid citizens—town newspaper owner Julia Shumway, a physician’s assistant at the hospital, a selectwoman, and three brave kids. Against them stands Big Jim Rennie, a politician who will stop at nothing—even murder—to hold the reins of power, and his son, who is keeping a horrible secret in a dark pantry.

But their main adversary is the Dome itself. Because time isn’t just short. It’s running out.

With some of the most spectacularly sinister characters King has ever imagined and a driving plot, Under the Dome is Stephen King at his epic best. This book will thrill every reader who’s ever loved a novel by King.